Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
