You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
