I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
