She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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