And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
