It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
