I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
