so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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