I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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