great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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