Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
