Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nicole vs. Life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
