I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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