Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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