so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
