I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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