If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
