Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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