So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
