I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
