Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
