just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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