there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
