if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
