i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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