But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
