Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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