So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i barfeds in our rink
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
