3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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