We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
