I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
