Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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