Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
