i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
