I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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