so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
