and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
