It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
