Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
