I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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