i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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