I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
