How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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