Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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