i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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