He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
