I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
