It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
