Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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