I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
