I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
