Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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