so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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