Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
