everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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