bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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