NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
