I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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