He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
