I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Randomize
