I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
