every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize