God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
