What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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