5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
