It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
