This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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