shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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