got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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