Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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