M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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