All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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