I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
